Fearing the failure,
they master the trick to command…
they master the trick to command…
Overlooking the authenticity,
they run their own comparison metric …
they run their own comparison metric …
In the sake of perfection,
they are never content and
they are never content and
always keep a reason to complain…
In the name of relationship,
they put others in the compulsion drain…
they put others in the compulsion drain…
Weirdly they do not focus, do not listen and confuse;
still they claim to know the art to comprehend…
Unconcerned and seemingly unempathetic;
deriving
their own conclusion is their trademarked trend…
~Jyotika Rajput Mehra Poetry
Ever wondered what paralyses the health of
a relationship! Let me shed some light in here!
Just as Cancer creates painful tumours in the physical body, some brittle patterns of human behaviour when exhibited in consistency possess enough potential to create heart stabbing inflammations in the psyche.
Be it a personal camaraderie or a professional association, it is imperative to abandon the impact of these mind corrupting
traits. If controlled at initial stages, bond with self as well as others can be revived and the unwanted infliction of pain can be very well ceased in time.
This post is an accumulation of well-pondered
musings and fine observations made over a substantial period of time till date. I call it as the “Cancer of 5Cs”. Here I share my perspective of these psychic cancers along with their antidotes. I believe this reading to be helpful to those who willingly wish to analyse the unpleasing behavioural patterns and find
a measure.
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| Let's Stop the Cancer of 5 Cs Today... |
#1. The Cancer of Commandment
“I am born to rule!”
So is everybody! Isn’t
it?
The moment one slips into the trickery to assume self to be a "ruling" body, that very moment is
the beginning of the end of beautiful associations in their life!
Anybody embodying this proverb is
straightforwardly suffering from the “cancer of commandment”. Those who
frequently hunt to strike upon a soft target with their unremitting commands must
once go in cahoots with their identical twin who exhibits the same snobbery! This
shall give them a chance to meet their own reflection!
Following the official authoritative rules and commandments is definitely an obvious affair, which the gentle minds do! However, anytime, anywhere, assuming the other person to be the “genie of your bottle” or playing stunts to make someone to be the obeying robot is a pure repressive act!
Following the official authoritative rules and commandments is definitely an obvious affair, which the gentle minds do! However, anytime, anywhere, assuming the other person to be the “genie of your bottle” or playing stunts to make someone to be the obeying robot is a pure repressive act!
Antidote #1: Converse with Compassion
It’s very aptly said that, “speaking”
denotes listening to your own words and knowing the already known thoughts!
Knowing other’s perspective is essential as it shows you the other world! Hence
conversations are a beautiful way to make your voice reach to someone’s heart
rather than only to their mind. Nobody wants to be ruled! Terminate that dictating
mode and convey your message with compassion and open-mindedness.
Dig out some common interests that act as a
bridge. If there’s nothing in common, bring in compassion for the sake of your
human heart! Commands may help in building great empires, but they do not help
in facilitating beautiful bonds!
#2. The Cancer of Comparison
Stance 1: Comparison created in reference
to others
“Look at them, they’re fantastic! You can
never be like them!”
“My way is better than yours! You’re just
not good!”
Stance 2: Comparison created in reference
to your own self
“My goodness! They’ve got sky rocketing
wealth...! And I am still struggling!”
“They’ve got such a loving partner! And my
partner behaves as a prickly pear!”
“Their children are well-settled and
successful in life! Mine are hopeless and totally worthless!”
“Earlier, the life used to be good in every
way! Unfortunately, it’s not the same now!”
Anybody nodding to realise that their mind
weaves such or similar nasty and demeaning comments, should check their veins
for the “cancer of comparison”!
Comparison of two individuals or entities
that makes others or even your own self taste bitterness is an absolute stingy thing!
The law of nature has creatively designed every single creature of this world
with a certainly peculiar uniqueness, and hence it restricts anybody’s right to
make comparisons in that regard! Also, mulling and comparing the past with the present,
especially when you are currently facing some odds, may be a natural act but its a complete thumbs down
approach attracting nothing but negativity!
Moreover, if somebody possesses a specific
asset, it’s because of their own unique set of traits and indeed the best efforts.
“Why don’t your envied eyes also catch the glimpse of the toil, sweat and blood
behind that sky-rocketing wealth?”
“Why don’t you also click the sacrifices made
in that rosy pictured relationship?”
“If someone’s children seem to be
successful today, why don’t you notice the amount of quality time that was spent
in nurturing them?”
Antidote #2: Create Conviction
Conviction is all what you need to accept
the authenticity, be it for others or even your own self! Also, staying in real
current moment is the key to wonders. It might be difficult to do but once
done, you reap the benefits it brings along.
Conviction brings in the ability to view
the panoramic picture rather than the nagged titbit stories! In case you’re the
awesome master of your craft, make others learn your way with an inspirational
delight. Everybody is the hero of their own lives! Condemning their ways or
forming comparisons finally gets your name hooked up in the “most unwanted”
list!
Next time when your blood rushes to create
comparisons, calm your restlessness with the magic of believing in yourself and
others, and every other thing that comes into your way.
#3. The Cancer of Complaint
“Why did you do this?”
“Why didn’t you do that?”
“No, it’s not looking fine!”
“Why is it not happening that way?”
Anybody running such circus of complaints must
know that their mind cells are caught by the “cancer of complaint”! In the
revelation of scientific surveys, it is often observed that the attempt of
manipulating all gigs to the level of perfection creates a deep urge to
criticise all, be it an object or any being.
Once the habit of negating things or people
is fixated severely in the psyche, it becomes very difficult for that
individual to normalise their mind! At times this spooky spiral of behaviour
becomes self-disturbing and let down the doer with disgrace, camouflaging their
credibility.
Antidote #3: Commend
Commend and be generous! Commend people;
commend yourself... not for what went wrong; but for that little thing that went
right! It’s just the matter of shifting your perception and resetting your
habit. And you’ll be surprised to notice that there remains nothing to be
complained about! It’s not that problems would stop appearing but you’ll probably
build up more endurance while looking for the solutions.
Next time when your brain itches to
complain, try to see that small beam of goodness that exists in everything and everybody!
#4. The Cancer of Compulsion
“They
are my parents; and I expect them to do it for me!”
“Being my children, they can’t refuse but do
that at any cost!”
“They are my friends; hence they have to do
it for me!”
“Being my spouse; they can’t say no but do
that for me!”
“They are my subordinates; they have no
option but to do that additional task!”
Anybody projecting such or similar thoughts
is indeed affected by the “cancer of compulsion”. This detrimental behavioural
disorder plays havoc in the personal life as well as work environment. Looking
upon people as the obligatory supporters is intoxicatingly suffocating. Unwillingly,
someone may participate in the emotional turbulent puppet dance but none would
continue the drama for long, thereby creating disharmony in the relation! It is
observed, people are rather more stringent on others than they are on
themselves!
Simply put, any entity “taken for granted” is compelled to meet a disruptive ending!
Antidote #4: Convince with Concern
Being concerned enough of other’s feelings is
a big saviour of the drowning relations. You are in association with a human,
not a machine! Compelling may trigger them to be your controlled device but your
impudence will make you lose their admiration and reverence.
Broaden your intellectual horizons by first knowing the genuineness of your own needs, wants and desires. Thereafter convincing someone with your given reasons can become a child’s play.
Add the bowl of care and concern for others
to the platter of your in-demand favours... life will indeed be meaningful
then!
#5. The Cancer of Confusion
“And I conclude...”
Anybody whose cognitive system is driven by
impatience or major levels of misinterpretation is bound to be traumatised by the
“cancer of confusion”. This is a proven psychological fact; those who lack good
listening ability and remain in their own shell tend to hop onto hap-hazard conclusions
fired by confusions. Consequently these conclusions pose a barrier in every
little thing in life, thus labelling an individual as a nebulous mind.
Antidote #5: Concentrate, Comprehend and
Clarify
Now-a-days concentration seems to be a
gesture only active while driving! The value of this highly required trait is
too under-estimated. It is necessary to comprehend things well in their true
format and that necessitates the appropriate level of focus.
It is imperative to be completely receptive
to the conveyed message as well as other’s perceptions. Before passing out the
final verdict, lend your heart too, along with your ears and eyes to people and
events. Focus on the words, gestures as well as intentions of someone, before
deriving your own meaning.
At
last, clarify! Clear out that fluff of the self-woven assumptions. Do not pitch into the thought - "What others will think if you ask a certain thing!" Your peace of soul is more important than the judgement made by others. In most cases, clarification promotes transparency in relations, that's the strongest sign of great bonds.
So, timely clarify with people before spreading the mistaken information, before upsetting your own self and before breaking someone’s heart.
So, timely clarify with people before spreading the mistaken information, before upsetting your own self and before breaking someone’s heart.
Here are few more handy and instantly
effective proven measures. They’re bound to shift your attention and
re-program your mind to act mild in that difficult moment.
- Do finger snapping for few seconds
- Close eyes and take few deep breaths
- Drink a glass of water
Help from peers and family is a good way to
know of your intense behaviour. Let them tell you back about your peevish habits.
Don’t mind their interference at this point of time and be receptive. It’s
better to consume a dose of medicine than to go for a major operation!
[PS: Dear
readers, if you think there’s someone you know who’s caught up in the cancer of
5Cs, please reach out to them with all your love and transform their lives with
these antidotes!
I would love to know your perception and feedback.
Please share your comments below.
Disclaimer:
*The author of this post reserves rights for the content source being an original concept of practical solutions for the complex cognitive disorders. Be mindful to give credit to if you refer this blog post or picture or quote anywhere. Please do not copy without permission. ©Jyotika Rajput Mehra
* This post is purely based on the author’s emotions, feelings
and perception; with purpose to spread positivity and motivate the readers to
self examine the health of their relationships. This is a sincere effort by the
author to present the self-taught and finely executed life lessons to address
the complex real world human personality traits. The compiled content is
for informational purposes only. The author is not liable for any
misinterpretation causing any detrimental scenario.
* The author holds the ownership of the displayed piece of art.
Please do not:
*reproduce the image;
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